I wonder – 23 years still

My chest is aching. My tears are welling up my eyes. My breath is coming short. My mood isn’t improving. And, repeat.

I missed you. It’s been 23 years already. And, I still miss you. Where are you? I always wonder if you’re one among the sea of people I come across with every day. I wonder if you are the same as me, wondering if I was also there.

Have you ever thought of seeing me? I have. Always. And repeat.

It’s always aching. I feel like it’s always bleeding. It’s trembling and in pain. Always. There’s always a river that flows from where my gaze stops. I pause. For a moment, or so, I always have been thinking about you.

I often wonder if I ever see you before I go back to earth. I wonder, if this pain will also go away. I wonder. I don’t want it. I never asked for it. But, it’s there. It stayed there. For a lengthier period of time, it never left me. I pray.

I cast my eyes across the sky. I saw a belt of stars hung across it. Beautiful. I wonder if you’re thinking about the same. I wonder if you are also seeing the same thing. Them, the stars. I wonder.

I watch my hands, my fingers, my limbs. They seem to claw at something on air, at space, but there was nothing in it. I felt the electricity starting to escape from the festers of my body. They went through the tips of the fingers for they, too, can’t bear the pain any longer.

They search for you. In the Internet, magazines, books, comics, newspapers. You weren’t there. So, they and I are left in despair.

Where are you? When will you come home to me? When? Coz you know, I missed you. Always. It’s been 23 years already.



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